One of the most frequently used pieces of writing feedback that authors hear is to show, not tell. But what does that even mean?

Telling is recounting facts. 

❌Jason went to the deli for lunch and ordered a sandwich.

Showing allows the reader to become immersed in your world, to feel what your characters are feeling. 

✅Jason’s stomach grumbled loudly as his eyes darted to the clock on the wall. Almost the end of the day and he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He needed to eat, and fast. 

Showing allows your readers to experience the story you’re telling and not just listen to it. Readers feel held at arm’s length when stories are primarily told, like they aren’t a part of the action on the page. By engaging all five senses, showing pulls the readers directly into the story so they can truly feel it unfolding. 

Here are a few examples of showing vs. telling:

❌She was tired. 

✅She could feel the exhaustion seeping through her bones as her eyelids drooped ever closer to closed. 

❌Abigail collected stuff. 

✅Abigail marveled at her collection of treasures as it spanned all four walls of her perfectly pink room. This is just right, she thought as she placed the golden star she’d found on the rain-soaked sidewalk on the highest shelf.

Showing has a place in nearly every element of your writing. Showing can be used to:

😊Showcase emotions:

❌Tabitha was happy with the outcome.

✅Tabitha’s smile started out small, as just the corners of her lips turned upward. As she took in the scene around her, the smile seemed to take on a life of its own as it transformed her face entirely with its joyful glow. 

🖼️Replace vague statements with specific, easy to picture moments:

❌Albert wanted more. 

✅Albert felt a deep sense of yearning in his chest as he surveyed the gym filled with his peers. He just knew that he was meant for greater things than simply being the down on his luck gopher mascot at his high school of 350 students. 

🪫Fill the void. Say what isn’t there:

❌Nothing was left. 

✅The warehouse had been stripped of every item on the shelves, leaving only a fine layer of dust where once all her dreams had lived before making their way out into the world. 

🏖️Immerse the reader in your world:

❌It was a sunny day at the beach.

✅The sun beat down on our exposed shoulders as the waves crashed on the shore. We could taste the salt on our lips as we leapt and twirled on the sand as the cacophonous shrieks of playing children echoed alongside us. 


🧍‍♀️Develop characters:

❌Everyone knew she was mean. 

✅The heavy clomp of her footsteps rang out through the halls as we cowered in front of our lockers. Maybe today would be the day she didn’t see us at all. 

💬In dialogue:

❌ “The rollercoaster scared me,” she said.

✅”You don’t even understand, I was completely flung back against the seat right when it took off! I don’t think I caught my breath again until right now!” she shrieked, her hands trembling.

If you are having a hard time with showing, the best way to start is to write what you want to say in telling first. State the facts, then revise to bring emotion into it.  Dissect your telling and bring in all five senses to allow your reader to experience what your character is experiencing. 

Showing allows you to grab your reader’s attention and get them to really care about the journey your character is on because they feel like it’s their journey too. 

Want more? Send me a note and let’s chat about ways to transform your telling into showing!

Until next time!

XOXO,

Sam Speed Edits